You see, there are those out there that are "Special". They take two parking spaces, or absolutely park perpendicular in two spaces to let people know how "special" they are.
Very frustrating I bet.
Luckily, Sergeant Starke, your newly self appointed Safety NCO will give a briefing on how to properly conduct yourself during this survival situation. Let me begin.
We all have different financial situations. We come poor or dirt poor, or perhaps maybe not so. It matters not. For 89 cents you can buy a bag of plastic zip ties. Yes, that's correct, for 89 cents you can be an equalizer. You see, regardless of our backgrounds any of us can that one person that can prevent an apocalypse.. You can even be that one guy even today!
Lets get to work: Its day one, and you just spent your 89 cents to get your zip ties. "But Sergeant Starke, whats next?!". Well, you already took your first step. You didn't go to Dollar General to just buy a shirt or soap. You also bought Zip Ties to help save the world from idiots. You are there now because you've taken that first step to be the equalizer. Now we can be heroes.
You already have your zip ties. And you see an idiot sports car is parked across two lanes. Wow, nice car! Lets follow these simple basic steps from your government provided safety handbook:
1: Find a shopping cart
2: Roll the shopping cart next to the driver side door of the worthless human being's car that is parked so badly.
3: Zip tie the shopping cart to the driver side door.
Simply follow these three basic steps to make the world a better place. Remember, you have more zip ties for later because for 89 cents you bought a bag. Its very cheap to use one zip tie per customer, though I understand using multiple ones (for instance: Zipping a cart to the passenger side....and for patrolling the parking lot for more "customers")
This basic process can be enhanced by addiitional steps. Sitting on a hill with binoculars and popcorn could be a fourth step.
For just one day, for just a moment, you can help the world be a better place for all. Tell four other people this safety advice and multiply safety.
**FROM THE NEWLY ESTABLISHED CHERNO SAFETY OFFICE: SAFETY HOUR WITH SERGEANT STARKE AND THE MAKERS OF HERPY DOOVES** BE SAFE!